Don’t Be A Victim

Posted: July 2, 2011 in Psychology
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Don't Be A Victim

You As Victim

You make yourself a victim when you see yourself as acted upon by other people. When you believe your life is out of your control, you become passive and things happen to you. You feel sorry for yourself because you can’t do anything about the events that decide your fate. You find yourself looking for pity from others because of the bad situation you have no control over.

As a victim, your success depends on what other people think. You become a people pleaser because you think it is your only hope of success. Your goals go nowhere as you help others fulfill theirs.

Why Would You Want to Be a Victim?

As a victim, you have little responsibility because you aren’t the active agent. You don’t need to take charge and do anything. You can coast through life.

You also get sympathy from others. They worry about you because of the tough time you keep having.

Being a victim makes it seem like you must be in the right. The others who are giving you a hard time are bad people. If you’re in the right, why change?

You As Victor

To get out of victim mode, you must become the active agent of your life. Do you think you can’t follow your dreams because you have a full time job? What kind of place are you working? Most jobs are only 40 hours a week. You have more spare time than work time. Use that spare time to educate yourself, practice and earn money pursuing your own chosen life goals.

More good things will happen to you when you are actively pursuing your goals. The people you meet along the way to your dreams are on a similar journey. Positive relationships will develop and help you grow.

Helping yourself is more effective than relying on others. There’s an old saying, “If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself.”

Your New Mindset

Part of no longer being a victim is losing your thoughts about how others have taken advantage of you. You have spent too much time thinking about how other people have affected your life. Look at your own decisions. Forget the part where others have interfered with your plans. You are going to take charge and keep moving your plans forward whether others are on board or not. You don’t need outside validation.

An important part of this forgetting is forgetting the people who have made you a victim. You must forgive them so that you can stop thinking about them. After all, feeling negative towards other people makes you feel negative toward yourself. By being the active agent, you will feel positive about others and yourself.

You will replace that wasted thinking time with more useful creative time planning your future. If you must examine your past, look at your successes, your careers and educational achievements. Your past choices say a lot about where you want to go, what you want to become. Move your focus from past to future.

As a self-starter, success depends on what you do and how you feel about your accomplishments. Make plans and follow them. Don’t expect everything to come together overnight. It won’t. Break your plan down into as many steps as possible and achieve them one at a time.

With your new outlook, when others get in the way you will choose new others. You are the active agent. When others are not dependable, they can be replaced. You are not their victim. They have failed to do their part. You will sometimes have to fire your boss, by changing jobs. They can’t be part of your plan, but there will be others that align with your plans. Never give up. Keep working on your dreams. Even if you temporarily can’t move forward, move sideways and keep practicing where you are now.

Work on your dreams for long enough and they will become reality.

Article text copyright 2011 David Arthur Smith. All Rights Reserved.

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